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In 2009, as early adopters (and possible part-progenitors) of the term, we began referring to the phenomenon as ghosting.
In the seven years since, the practice has been labeled, analyzed, and of course, widely condemned. Though we can agree that ghosting sucks, we can’t stop doing it.
As Aziz Ansari, our generation’s dating czar, put it in his 2015 Netflix standup special: "Let's say you don't like someone, but they like you.
How many of you pretend to be busy, that's your move? Then, he turned the tables: "Let's say the situation is reversed, clap if you'd prefer they'd just be honest with you." When the applause had died down, he cracked: "I think our findings are very clear. "I do try to take the un-shitty approach much sooner into relationships: If, after two or three dates, it’s obvious to me this isn’t my person, I’ll send a text: something along the lines of, “I’m not feeling romantic vibes, but take care and thanks so much for the fun nights.”I have plenty of straight girlfriends who’ve done the same, using variations on the theme to try and let the guy off easily: Julie, 30, goes with, “Hey, I am not sure I felt a connection, but I appreciated getting to know you!
Or maybe, we should just acknowledge that no one I know is going to wave his (or her) hand and say, “I deal with rejection horribly, in fact, so please end things in a way that makes it clear you’re not going out with me again, but leaves my fragile dignity intact.”Right?
My girlfriends and I first referred to Disappearing Dudes, an umbrella term for men who would be all up in your phone, schedule, lady parts one day and the next, completely shut down all communication.
Of course, talking about gender-based preferences in grand, sweeping terms ignores the bazillions of exceptions.
(Exhibit A: When I asked for opinions on Facebook, virtually every respondent — male, female, cis, straight, or LGBTQ — advocated for honesty, ripping off the bandage as soon as you know you’re done dating.
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